Good-Bye Finals; Reassessing Reassessments for High School Students

This last week was supposed to be “Finals Week” for Southeast Polk High School Students. Finals Week did not happen; and no, it was not because of the severe weather and snowfall Iowa was blessed with that closed schools statewide. Finals (as in semester final exams) are a thing of the past; at least at Southeast Polk High School. My husband and I have a senior at Southeast Polk and I am sure every high school student (along with our son) is celebrating the fact that final exams are a thing of the past.

Instead of being tested on what was supposed to be learned over the last semester, students have the option to select a standard from each class on their schedule and redo it for a better grade. I am certain that this protocol goes along with Southeast Polk’s new standardized referenced grading that I referred to in my 10/18/23 blog post.

According to standardized referenced grading, 59.5% is a passing grade and a 1 on a scale of 1 to 4 is acceptable. Not only that, but there are many assignments that do not go into the gradebook. Students can choose to do or not do weekly assignments. They do not matter, because if the student does well on the quizzes & tests, they will pass the class. Students must earn a minimum of 59.5% and must have a standard score of at least 1 for every standard to receive credit for a course. All students have the opportunity to reassess standards. This is where reassessment week come in.

Last year when grading was “normal”, students could opt out of two final exams per semester if they had perfect attendance. This was lenient enough for my taste as I still remember the good-old-days when all students were expected to take a final exam for every class. It did not matter if you had perfect attendance or had a 4.0; all students took final exams. Shouldn’t the overall philosophy be that students should go to school to learn and better yet retain the information they are being taught. Final exams are part of the process that ensure students, faculty and the system are doing their part to turn productive educated young adults out into the real world.

I took the liberty to pull some data from the Iowa Department of Education website and found that 1) the district’s “proficiency” has fallen from years past 2) the district’s “proficiency” falls dramatically as students enter the high school level from the 8th grade 3) compared to other large districts in the State of Iowa of similar size, Southeast Polk is far from the top of the list. Here are some of the numbers:

Last year 2022-2023 Southeast Polk 3rd through 8th Graders had proficiency percentages in the mid to high seventies. By the time students reach high school, proficiency levels start to fall. Southeast Polk 8th Graders were 79.8% proficient (399 proficient/101 not proficient). The 9th Grade Class fell to 69.1% proficient (398 proficient/178 not proficient), 10th Graders fell again to 67.7% proficient (373 proficient/178 not proficient) and 11th Grader fell to 62.5% proficient (359 proficient/215 not proficient). The 11th Grade class last year is the districts senior class this year and will graduate in May of 2024. Our district will be turning out over two hundred young adults who are not proficient according to the State of Iowa’s 2023 Spring Student Assessments.

Comparing Southeast Polk 2022-2023 11th Graders (this year’s graduating class) to other districts comparable in size this is what is published: Southeast Polk 62.5% proficient (359 proficient/215 nor proficient), Ankeny 83.5% proficient (719 proficient/142 not proficient), Waukee 79.4% proficient (688 proficient/178 not proficient), Johnston 78.8% proficient (416 proficient/112 not proficient), Cedar Falls 78.7% proficient (318 proficient/86 not proficient), Iowa City 69.9% proficient (716 proficient/309 not proficient), Linn-Marr 69.8% proficient (354 proficient/163 not proficient), and West Des Moines 68.2% proficient (425 proficient/198 not proficient), Waterloo 58.6% proficient (312 proficient/220 not proficient) and Sioux City 52.4% proficient (499 proficient/454 not proficient). The average of all 11th Graders in the state of Iowa was 68.2% and Southeast Polk is below average by 5.7 percentage points sitting at a 62.5% proficiency rate.

If I had to read between the lines, I would say that Southeast Polk is sitting in some hot water with the Iowa Department of Education regarding academics. Making the shift to Standardized Referenced Grading and Reassessments is a way to make the school district look better on paper. Students are not being held to a higher standard. We are lowering the standards making it easier for students to pass classes. Meanwhile we are not making it easier on these same students as they venture out into trade school, a college career or even directly into the workforce. The result in this lower standard of grading will likely mean that faculty, administration and the school board have fewer eyes on them for poor academic performance in one of the largest school districts in the state. The long-lasting result will also be that we are also producing less educated & responsible adults.

Think about this; the Southeast Polk Community School District was proud to unveil their new $23 million football stadium this last fall (home of three-peat 5a football champions). During the ribbon cutting, the president of the schoolboard bragged about the “107 water closets” available in the new stadium and was so excited about the opening of the stadium, which was years in the making and part of her legacy. The stadium is an amazing structure and is her legacy as a long-term schoolboard member. However, shouldn’t the legacy lie not within a multi-million-dollar stadium, but within the academic success of the 7,400 students the school district is responsible for? It seems as if we have turned a blind eye to the real needs of our students and have been distracted by big bright shiny objects and not the well-being of the student body and the people within our community.

Sadly, our standards have been lowered and it is to no fault of the students. While they are celebrating the fact that they will never have to take a final exam again, that a 59.5% is a passing grade, and that homework does not go in the gradebook; the district is hanging their hat on the notion that standardized referenced grading will save face (and maybe some jobs and school board seats) with the Iowa Department of Education.

I am promoting the voucher system the State of Iowa passed in 2023. If my kids were younger, I would take the tax credit and send them to private school.

Iowa Department of Education PK-12 Student Performance

Wrapping Up the Tradition of Christmas Cards and Gift Giving

Last year, I decided NOT to send out Christmas cards. So, if you did not receive a card from us last year or this year, please don’t feel offended. No one got one. Instead, I opted to donate what I would have spent on sending out photo cards to a local charity. Between the hundred or so customized cards themselves along with postage cost right around $150. The swap from Christmas cards to charity might not be for everyone and I am not suggesting that everyone do it. I loved sending Christmas cards every year, but when I really thought about it, I realized that donating $150 could make a more positive impact in other ways rather than mailing cards to an extensive list of people, considering that they would likely end up in the garbage after the holiday season anyway.

I am going to be very honest. The real reason I sent out photos cards is because it made ME feel happy. I adored spending time browsing through hundreds of photos (maybe even thousands) and carefully selecting the most striking compilation of me, my husband and our two kids that would be used to showcase the best of the best from the last year. These highlights would be mailed to the lengthy list of coworkers, business associates, close friends (and even some not-so-close friends), extended family members and a handful of acquaintances we would receive a holiday card from who weren’t on my original list, but I would have to add once we received their card.

When I was a kid, I remember my mom writing and addressing by hand a dozen or two Christmas cards, which were bought at the store. It was always fun to pick out the box of cards our family would send to loved ones. We would genuinely select a simple and elegant design that typically demonstrated Christian significance. The illustration on the front of the card and holiday greeting found inside really meant something and cards were only sent to family, close friends, and neighbors.

Today, holiday cards feel like a competition. Most are solely concentrated on displaying family accomplishments versus the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas cards have morphed into a platform to boast. This viewpoint might seem harsh and maybe not all see it this way, but I realized that is exactly what my Christmas card sending routine was all about. I loved showcasing the highlights from our past year; LOVED it. Personally, it felt good to reiterate the high points from the last year (just in case people missed these same highlights from my countless posts to social media). At the end of the day, I was sending out Christmas cards for ME. There was no personal handwritten message to the recipient or even a sloppy signature in cursive. The unsigned, preprinted holiday cards that came from our family (ME) had one point of focus; me and my family. Like most social media posts today, they became very attention seeking and self-serving. Sending holiday cards became selfish. The entire process from creation to delivery was completely missing the point of Christmas.

I have come to feel the same way about gift giving. In fact, I somewhat resent it. It too has become a competition. Who can out give the other person. Whose Christmas was better than another’s. We live in a world where everything has become so commercialized and we all want, want, want. The truth of the matter is that we do not NEED any of it. We spend way too much money and swipe our credit cards for “things” that are unnecessary. Most of us have way too much to begin with and then get lost in the season of list-making and gift-giving to acquire more of what we already have. Getting presents is fun and giving gifts is even better, but Christmas is not about gifts or Christmas cards.

This Christmas instead of Christmas cards and purchasing excess and elaborate gifts, I chose to use my time and money on connection. I am sharing this idea because we could all stand to do more of it. Having coffee with a friend, stopping by someone’s home (or business) with a simple holiday treat, scheduling lunch with someone who has meant a lot to you over the years… My list of people that I personally connected with this year was a lot shorter than the hundred or so people I used to send cards to. But those who I connected with in person mean a lot to me. My time and resources were used more carefully and not concentrated on personally being front and center. No pictures were taken for social media. No need to boast or brag. My whole goal was to be as selfless as possible. Do what is right with others in mind.

Christmas is not about expensive cards, trendy gifts, or the number of presents under the tree. If you took all those things away, how would you spend the holiday season? Who would it be with? Would it be better? Could it be more meaningful? Christmastime is about the people in your life (the ones who truly matter) and letting them know that you appreciate them through a deeper connection. It is about experiences not things. It is also about the birth of our Savior. We must remember that.

If you were one of those people on my short list this year; know that you hold a special place in my life and I appreciate you a great deal. Thank you and Merry Christmas.  

The Obesity Crisis; a Threat to Our Nation

Did you know that more than 1 in 3 young adults aged 17-24 are too heavy to serve in the military? Think about it. I mean really, really think about it. The United States of America has some slim pickings when it comes to recruiting reliable candidates to serve our country. The pool of new recruits is getting smaller & smaller and those who currently serve are getting more & more out of shape. With the world where it sits today, this should be very worrisome.  

I was exposed to a different outlook on the obesity epidemic during a work trip to Gettysburg six years ago. This perspective unmasked that obesity was a direct threat to the security of our nation. I had never thought of it before.

In the summer of 2017, I was in Gettysburg as part of a leadership conference. Our group spent the day learning about the Battle of Gettysburg, led by two highly appointed military personnel who were also excellent historians. The purpose of this corporate expedition was to reflect on the strategies and leadership abilities of George Meade (Union) and Robert E. Lee (Confederate). It was estimated that the Union Army had upwards of 100,000 troops and the Confederate Amry upwards of 80,000. It was a three-day battle between July 1 and July 3, 1863 ending with roughly 50,000 casualties between the two armies and is deemed to be the bloodiest of combats in American History.

This post is not meant to be a history lesson but an insight into where we are today regarding those who serve in our military; those who so generously serve & protect our country. The two knowledgeable tour guides who commanded the attention of our group that day also provided some great perspective into leadership and winning wars (whether they are the boardroom battles that take place in corporate American or the man to man combat in foreign lands fighting for the rights & freedoms of human beings).

At the end of the tour our group participated in a Q&A session with the two military leaders we had just spent the day with. The conversation spanned from the century old canons we saw that were used in the Civil War to more modern-day technology including radar and with a push of a button we can fire off missiles that can strike halfway around the globe. After a long discussion about the evolution of military technology, it turned to military personnel. I remember asking, “what differences do you see in the quality of individuals who serve our country today & the training that is needed to get them combat ready?”

The more boisterous of the two military guides said, “The United States Military has excellent training for those who qualify to serve our country. The problem is that the percentage of young people who qualify to serve; has substantially decreased”.

When asked, “Why?” our civilian group received a very rapid & direct response. “Young people these days cannot pass the physical fitness test to get into the U.S. Military. You can’t sit around drinking Mountain Dew and eating Doritos and expect to be fit enough to serve our country when you turn 18. That’s a big part of it. But it is also about being mentally sharp. When you have a button at your fingertips that can blow up a city, you better have the intellect to make split-second decisions…quite honestly the health of our youth is presenting a serious security threat to our country.”

Alertness, reasoning & concentration are all affected by what we feed not only our bodies, but our brains. Cognitive health is critical in times of war. This trip to Gettysburg not only taught me a great deal about leadership, but it opened my eyes to a very vital population in our country, our military men & women. A group of people who we as an entire country rely upon in the very toughest of times both nationally and internationally. Our military personnel should be the best of the best; physically & mentally fit. But with the statistics sited below, our position in the old U.S. of A. is grim. Almost every other country in the world has us beat.

• 658,000 lost workdays per year are due to overweight and obesity for active-duty military personnel, which costs the Department of Defense $103 million per year.

• Only 29% of American youth are eligible for military service, and a mere 2% of 17-to 21-year-olds are both eligible and have the tendency to serve.

• 3 out of 4 active-duty service members of the military are either overweight or obese.

• More than 1 in 3 young adults aged 17-24 are “too heavy to serve in the military.”

• Among the young adults who meet the weight requirements, only 3 out of 4 can meet the physical activity levels that prepare them for basic training.

• 3.3 million children aged 12-17 (13%) have been diagnosed with ADHD.

• 3 out of 4 children ages 12-17 (62%) who are diagnosed with ADHD are taking medications. The US Military restricts people that are dependent on medication. 

If we don’t work to build a healthy foundation for today’s young people, both the military and our nation will pay the price tomorrow. - Richard R. Jeffries, Rear Admiral, U.S. Navy (Retired) and former Medical Officer of the U.S. Marine Corps.

Sources:

The Hill; Americas Newest National Security Threat Obesity; Bornstein, Daniel; 6/28/22.

The Epoch Times; Obesity Epidemic in Military Elicits Call to Reform Diet of US Armed Forces: Expert; Lysiak, Matthew 10/24/23.

Lowering the Standards with Standards Referenced Grading

Since when is a 59.5% a passing grade? And why is a 1 on a scale of 1 to 4 acceptable? Standard Referenced Grading has changed the standards that our youth live up to. This fall our school district has gone to 100% standard grading. We have a senior in high school and after parent teacher conferences, it left me certain that standardized grading has truly lowered the academic standards for our children. It is not just about education & learning; it is about holding our youth accountable and creating good work habits that will transfer into college or the trades and eventually the workplace for these young adults.

When meeting with one teacher, I questioned why daily assignments were not in the grade book. He told me that daily assignments are not part of “the standard”. He went on to illustrate that, “the standard is not about behaviors and asking kids to do more outside of the classroom, but the standard is about whether students do well on the exams, which prove that they know the subject matter”. So, in this class, the quizzes & exams are what is graded. Assignments are left to be done or undone. And if the student chooses to do the assignments, they can be partially completed or have wrong answers. It does not matter because if the student does well on the quizzes & tests, they will pass the class.

Call me crazy (or maybe I am old school), but shouldn’t daily assignments be part of the curriculum? As adults, do we not get daily tasks given to us at our jobs? And aren’t those daily assignments expected to be done by our employer? Won’t these high school students have daily homework assigned to them when they enter college if they choose to continue their academic careers? What kind of message do these new “standards” teach our children? The message is quite clear, “practicing your academic skills and the daily work are not important”. Preparing for the test, the presentation, the pitch, the job interview is not valuable. And, if the daily work is not counted, why bother doing it. Students will gratefully trade the time that should be invested in schoolwork to waste even more time on their cell phones, which is a horrible trade-off for their growing brains.

In another classroom the teacher told me that “the standard” in her class did not include spelling, grammar, or punctuation. This class was a marketing class and apparently “the standard” in marketing according to standards referenced grading does not include the fine details in the presentation materials. “The standard” in this marketing class is just that; marketing, the creative idea, finding the appropriate target market for that idea… Apparently if you have missing punctuation & poor grammar in your presentation you give to a business owner or investment firm, it does not matter. Shoot, even if you spell the company’s name wrong on the cover page, I am sure the pitch will go great and whomever you are presenting to will choose you over other candidate because the idea alone was amazing! This teacher was very frustrated with “the standards” for her course so she cleverly created her own standard calling it “employability” which encompasses spelling, grammar, and punctuation. God bless her for taking the initiative to hold these kids to higher standards than what was originally outlined for her and her class using standard referenced grading. This teacher cares about the future of her students and that is a rare find. There are many teachers who would just accept “the standard” and that is what would be taught.  

These students deserve better. They deserve better from public schools, their teachers, and their parents. They deserve to be held to higher standards for the sake of their futures.

Standardized Reference Grading as outline by the Southeast Polk School District in Pleasant Hill, IA is below:

Teaching and learning at Southeast Polk High School is based on identified priority standards. Rather than a reflection of student behavior, grades are a reflection of student learning that has occurred as related to the priority standards. Teachers will collect pieces of evidence for each standard in order to determine each student’s level of proficiency for each standard.

Students must earn a minimum of 59.5% and must have a standard score of at least 1 for every standard to receive credit for a course. All students have the opportunity to reassess standards.

The Southeast Polk Standard Proficiency Scale:

• 4 - Exceeding. In addition to meeting the standard, the student shows in-depth inferences and applications such as explaining or demonstrating connections between ideas.

• 3.5 - Above Standard.

• 3 – Meeting. Student is able to independently and consistently use, apply and/or demonstrate the standard.

• 2.5 - Progressing.

• 2 - Approaching. Student can independently demonstrate foundational processes of the standard.

• 1.5 - Emerging.

• 1 - Beginning. Student demonstrates a minimal level of learning.

• 0 - No Evidence. Student does not show evidence of learning.

Parents, I encourage you to take an active role in your children’s academic lives. Teachers can only do so much. Make your kids do the assignments, even though they don’t count. Attend parent-teacher conferences and have meaningful conversations with teachers to give you important insight & feedback that you as a parent can use to further guide your child to be a more productive and independent human being. Raise them to a higher standard than what the public school system dictates.

Think about this; student athletes practice their sport for several hours every day. You are not going to make the football team at a standard grade of a 1 or even a 3. And if you do not show up for the daily practices (aka assignments), you will not play on Friday night even if you are capable of scoring a 4 when it comes to gametime. Practicing your academic skills is more critical than practicing your athletic skills in the game of life. Athletics are awesome, but academics are what resumes & futures are built on. Practice and the daily work are fundamental in being better at math, writing, speaking in front of an audience… You can’t just expect to wing it on game day (aka test day) and be a winner. It does not work that way. Raise your own standards & put in the daily work because you can and know that it makes you better. Those that are disciplined enough to put in the daily work will always come out ahead. ALWAYS! It is a competitive world. Take action & tackle the issue yourself to prepare for success on and off the field because God knows that our public school system is not doing it.

Masking My Emotional Pain; Burying it Deep Within

My heart sank & I could feel the pressure from the lump in my throat. I had to leave the house, get in the car, and get away. No matter how hard I tried to stuff the sadness deep down; I cried & I sobbed. Moments before jumping in the car to escape my emotions, I saw a post on Facebook. It was a really great photo of six talented people who I used to work with. Each one of them worked for me no less than ten years at KCCI and some I had known much longer. The caption on the photo read, “Lunch today with these amazing people I call family #kccisales #workfamilylove”.

That post hit me like a semitruck because I was not included; forgotten. I realized that I was not part of that family anymore. The post was an obvious & cruel message that I am not part of that friend group. I was not invited to lunch. The picture hurt, but the words that captioned the photo hurt more. The comments that proceeded were also sharp reminders that I am not included anymore. Comments like: “great group” “first class crew” “great group of friends” “forever friends” “good looking family”. I am not part of the group, the crew, the friends, or the family.

Loneliness is different than being alone. Being alone is something I can enjoy, but the feeling of being an outcast, not wanted and forgotten is a horrible feeling. The thought that the people you once cared for deeply no longer care for you is an emotional hurt that is hard to explain, a sickness. This awful feeling quickly brought me back to my last days as General Sales Manager at KCCI when I felt like a leper (which I am sure is a form of PTSD).

I vividly remember the company’s President & CEO who was visiting the station a month before “the deadline” shaking the hand of our Local Sales Manager who would later take my job not two weeks after my last day; I remember so vividly because he did not shake my hand. I was not vaccinated. For that same reason, I no longer work in the industry which was my identity for 20 years. The people, the job, the committees, the clients I surrounded myself with for decades were gone; disappeared. The laundry list of my successes, talents and work ethic did not matter. My vaccination status mattered more and cost me my career & my livelihood. A year prior I was being showered with Dom Perion, gifts, cards & bonuses for setting record revenue in 2020 despite the various obstacles that COVID had brought that year.

The last several months that I worked for KCCI from the time we went back into the office in May of 2021 until the day I left; had me masking, social distancing, and testing weekly because of my vaccination status. I was one of a very few (the minority) and it made me feel like a leper. It was not just the daily health questionnaire all employees had to participate in before starting their workday or the protocols the unvaccinated secretly had to take, but it was the tone of corporate communications that was suddenly different and made me feel small and insecure. Emails and conversations were less positive and less business-as-usual. All communication was more distant and put-offish as we neared the “deadline” which would determine my fate. Even the HR Director who was my friend and confidant over the years was very vague yet overly professional as she probed about my vaccination status behind closed doors and repeatedly asked why I felt the way I felt. I cried often in those months feeling very lonely and discriminated against.

I hate to cry; absolutely hate it. I do not want to draw attention to myself for being sad (or depressed) and I absolutely do not want to invite a pity party. I hate feeling vulnerable, but moments like this are really hard to cope with. I try hard to shove those bad feelings down deep and hide how I feel from everyone around me, including my husband and kids. I write as a form of therapy and to give my readers a personal perspective. There are people that hurt and most of them hide their hurt. We all need to be aware of this.

Those six beautiful people pictured in that post were part of my world: my work family. Only one of them still works at KCCI. Through the years each one of them received a carefully & well-thought-out written nomination letter (if not two) from me to the Hearst corporate team as candidates for the Hearst Eagle Award. I hired two of them and helped plan retirement parties & gifts for the others. I kept three of these folks from their futures being freed up whether they realize it or not. I was a shield from corporate and upper management bull shit to them all. And I was not invited to lunch. I am not part of their family anymore. Regrettably, a few of those captured in that photo haven’t made any effort to reach out to me since my departure on November 20, 2021, not to mention some of my long-time colleagues who still work for the station, which whom I’ve worked with for decades. It makes me sad and quite miserable at times. As their manager, I worked really hard for those people, and I’ve been forgotten.

Elon Musk stated in an article I just read, "I would rather go to prison than fire good people who didn’t want to be jabbed". No matter what your opinion of Elon Musk is, I wish someone in Hearst leadership would have stood up for me like that two years ago. Hell, I wish that at least one of my coworkers had the courage to support me. But no one did then, and no one seems to give two shits about me now.

I do not regret my decision and would not go back and change it. I know it was medically and religiously the right decision for me. But every decision comes with consequences. I lost a big income and a successful career, but what hurts the most are the “friends and family” I lost in the process. That is what makes me sad. That is what makes me cry when no one is watching.

The Overconsumption of News; It’s Killing Us

Remember Saturday morning cartoons? It was a long time ago, but I remember it as a child of the 80s. Back in the day my sisters and I absolutely adored Saturday mornings. We could not wait to wake up on a Saturday morning and be entertained, to relax, to laugh. In fact, I am pretty sure we all got up earlier on Saturday mornings just to watch our favorite cartoons than we did on regular school days. Saturday morning cartoons were a little slice of happiness. Occasionally, Dad would even bring us home donuts after working an overnight shift at Snap-On Tools so we could indulge in a fun-filled sugary breakfast along with our fix of Saturday morning funnies. Sometimes Mom & Dad would watch with us (Dad loved Bugs Bunny) and sometimes they would sit in the kitchen, have coffee and chat while we all lay on the living room floor with our pillows & blankets in front of the television set.

Today sadly, there are no more Saturday morning cartoons (unless you Google them on your iPhone or watch You Tube…and you can do that anytime, not just on Saturday mornings). News programming fills not only Saturday mornings, but Sunday mornings as well where religious programs would typically air “back in the day”. Present day, we simply cannot get enough news, or do we consume too much news? News programing takes up almost every hour of every single day. There is absolutely no break from it. The news is hard to avoid, with notifications and headlines bombarding us everywhere, whether it is on television, streaming news on our mobile phones, or perusing countless news apps.

Back in the days of Saturday morning cartoons, there might have been one or two hours of news available each day. You had your evening news and maybe a mid-day news program. Now news programming airs on local stations four to six hours every single morning, Saturdays & Sundays included. There are 4:00 a.m. newscasts “to be first on” & “to start your day”, noon newscasts, 4:00 p.m. & 9:00 p.m. newscasts “to be an hour earlier than the other guys” and there are extended late newscasts that run past 10:30 or 11:00 p.m. at night. Not to mention the 24/7 cable channels that provide regurgitated news literally every minute, of every day, 365 days a year! AND… back in the days of Saturday morning cartoons, your television stations signed off at midnight, giving viewers a forced break from too much TV time.

Local news programming is the most profitable programming to produce because every commercial break is owned by the local TV station. There are no network or syndicated advertisers that need to share the commercial inventory. 100% of the ad revenue belongs to the TV stations. And news programming is fairly easy & straightforward content to produce. If you sample the various TV stations in your market, have you ever noticed that they all follow pretty much the same playbook? There is a male and female anchor, the weather person and a few reporters who are “on the scene” and “live” in front of what was a shooting or fire the day before. But “they are live on the scene” even if it is just standing in front of boring caution tape that symbolizes what happened hours before. The playbook is the same, the headlines are the same, the stories are the same, the formats are the same. And every fifteen minutes (unless there is breaking news or severe weather) it all repeats itself pounding the doom & gloom into our brains over and over and over again.

I jotted down the descriptive words in just the first segment of a national newscast a few months ago. If there were any positive words at all; they were smothered by these negative words: deadly, outbreak, massive destruction, violent, threat, dangerous, damaging, rough, battle, restrictions, delays, allegations, mishandled, unstable, killing, collapse, violations, fatal, defects, hazardous, neglected, demolition, mayhem, injury, wrongdoing, warnings, urgent…

And we wonder why depression and suicide rates are at all-time highs. If it bleeds; it leads. Good news doesn’t sell. We are all consuming too much news and it is affecting our overall wellbeing. Too much of anything is not good for your health.

Ask yourself these six questions: 1) Am I any smarter for watching the news? 2) Am I a happier person after reading or watching the news? 3) Did any of the news I consumed impact my life in a positive way? 4) Were all sides of every headline & every story genuinely represented? 5) If I wasn’t consuming news, what else could I be doing with my time that would be more productive? 6) Could I have effectively gone about my day without watching the news?

Take my advice and find something else to do with your time: go for a walk, call someone you have not talked to for a while, fold laundry, read a book, do an art project, write a poem, workout, send hand-written cards to loved ones, join a club, learn to cook, give the dog a bath, do some housework… The time you spend with “the news” could be invested into accomplishing something way more meaningful, which will greatly improve your day & your overall wellbeing. And I promise, you will find yourself a much happier person.

Create Your Mission Statement

What is your personal mission in life? Maybe it is building a financial empire or feeding the hungry. Perhaps it is finding a cure for cancer or touching the lives of children in your community by being an amazing teacher. Or maybe it is just living each day as an example of who you want your children and grandchildren to grow up to be. Whatever your mission is, does everything you do align with that mission?

If you do not have a personal mission, I invite you to create one. Ask yourself, what are you most passionate about? What are you vested in as a human being? Whatever it is, make it part of your purpose every single day while you are here on this earth. How can you use what you are passionate about (your mission) to impact others in positive ways to make our world just a bit better.

Here are six steps to creating your personal mission statement:

1. Identify what your passions are and how you can turn them into actionable items to make a difference.

2. Create one or two sentences that outline the actionable items you’ve attached to your passion(s) and illustrate how you can incorporate them into your daily life.

3. Write your personal mission statement down somewhere and keep it close to you. Post it on the refrigerator, keep it inside a daily journal or store it in the notes on your iPhone.

4. Start every day by furthering your mission. Whether it is reading, writing, or meditating…focus on your mission. Start your day off on a positive & productive note by learning and expanding your knowledge.

5. Incorporate your mission into your daily work. Whether you are a student, a stay-at-home parent, work full-time or are retired; does what you do in most of your day encompass your personal mission?

6. Integrate your mission into your day to day. Lead by example. Influence others. Share your knowledge.

Life is better when you know you are making a positive impact in the world, even if it is only one person at a time, one simple act of kindness, or even one tiny moment that initiates a constructive adjustment that makes a difference.

My mission statement is this, To serve as a valuable resource for individuals seeking to enhance their well-being. And, to live as an example of overall wellness by educating, entertaining & enlightening others.

Your work, friends, family, social groups, hobbies & interests should philosophically align with your mission. It is easy to become distracted and lose focus, so ensuring that those around you support you and your goals is super important. I once heard in a podcast that, “you are the average of the five people you hang out with the most”. This is so true, and the best part is that you can control who those five influencers are. Choose wisely.

I encourage you to create your personal mission statement and start exploring ways to further that mission through everything you do. Living your mission will give you daily guidance in making good decisions and encourage you to live your best life. Having a personal mission that you are focused on daily makes life more enjoyable and it creates a great sense of accomplishment. Plus, you’ll sleep better at night knowing that you are making a difference in this crazy world we all live in.

Unconscious Exclusion; Being Uninvited

“This is the best party ever! We are all here, but you’re not because you weren’t invited. We are having a great time…” These were basically the words used to caption a series of pictures (aka “snaps”) of a giggling group of teenage girls. These snaps were directed towards our preteen daughter late at night, in her bedroom, on her cell phone & all alone. She was purposely being left out of a slumber party that one of her so-called friends was hosting. Not only was our daughter not invited; she was being targeted via social media to make her feel even worse about NOT being included. Her feelings were hurt & tears were shed. When I finally found out what had happened, pure sadness emitted from her entire little being. I felt horrible for her. My heart ached. I wanted to punish the little brats who made her feel so awful. Unfortunately, this happens more often than we think, especially in the crazy social media world we all live in.

Even if we are not being actively bullied into feeling left out; social media makes it very easy to discover when we have not been invited; not included. Most of the time, it is not as deliberate as the example of the slumber party, especially as we grow into adults. But it happens all the time. I call it “unconscious exclusion”. Facebook, Instagram & Snap Chat allow us insight as to who has been invited to dinners & celebrations, who all has traveled together part of group vacations, and who has participated together in social activities over a fun weekend.

Kids get on Snap Chat and can instantly see where their friends are gathered by looking at the Snap Map to see where the cartoon images are located on the map. When they see their buddies all group together in one location and they do not get the invite; feelings are immediately hurt. Side note: this is also a great way to find out where the party is at so Snap Chatters can flock in droves to the popular spot on the Snap Map.

Back in my day (decades ago) kids would pass out handwritten invitations for a birthday party at school. If you happen to catch wind of the upcoming celebration; you hoped and prayed that you would be the recipient of one of the coveted envelopes. If not, the party went on without you and feelings were crushed. There might have been some scuttlebutt at school the following Monday. Social media obviously did not exist back then, so a plethora of braggadocios pictures that live on-line for all eternity were never posted rubbing the “unvitation” in your face to make you feel even worse about not being included.

When you are the one scrolling through your Facebook feed and randomly come across a photo of your friends (or who you thought were your friends) all together having fun and YOU ARE THE ONE missing from that photo, your stomach immediately sinks. You were not invited. You were not included in their plans. Why? Surely, they did not NOT invite you on purpose. There must be a good reason, right?! But still, you feel left out. Your feelings are hurt. You’re sad and maybe even angry. This is “unconscious exclusion” or perhaps we can call it an “unvitation”.

Maybe your pals figured you were too busy, did not have the money, or would not be interested in their plans. Perhaps they were trying to spare you from making a tough decision or having to decline their invitation for plans of your own. Or maybe…just maybe they really did not want you to be part of their fun activities after all. It leaves your mind spinning and your feelings still incredibly hurt.

In a day and age where inclusion is a part of corporate policies and societal culture, it astonishes me that seemingly smart educated adults in the working world are not conscious of the potential effects their “posts” have on others.

Kids can be cruel, but adults can come across insensitive whether they realize it or not. 99.9% of photos posted on social media are the absolute best highlights taken from thousands upon thousands of snapshots in a day. They capture the best times of your life (or what you want others to know about & comment on). Dinners with friends, amazing vacation photos, touchdowns, homeruns, beautiful prom dates and new cars. We don’t post about how hard marriage is, the stresses of being a working parent or having to file bankruptcy. There are no posts about the arguments we have with our family or friends. No one posts about feeling lonely, depressed, or suicidal (all while their social media profiles display an entirely different picture of a happy life).  

Parents never post about their kids fumbling the football, striking out or placing last in a race. We never see posts about poor grades, temper tantrums or not making the team. And never ever do we see posts about the times kids get caught drinking, smoking weed or busted for bad behavior.

There are way more strikeouts in real life than homeruns, but we only hear about the homeruns. We are all users of social media and need to remember that what people post is only a very very small fraction of their life whether it includes us or not.

The next time you find yourself aimlessly scrolling through social media, ask yourself if you are happier because of it.

Build Resilience by Being Alone

“You need to spend more time by yourself”, a friend of mine told me when I was about 21 or 22 years old. My workmate at the time (let’s call her KJ) was roughly ten years older than me. I met her at my first ever sales job. I really looked up to her, still do.

KJ caught your attention right away with her big blue smiling eyes, long lashes and very blond Barbie doll hair. She was always dressed to the nines in heels and short skirts. KJ always spoke with confidence and demanded respect though she was quite witty and had a raunchy sense of humor at times. She was not afraid to be a bit flirty with clients and knew that she was good at her job. KJ was an independent & established woman who lived on her own in a very modern townhome that she remodeled herself. Not only was she self-sufficient, but she was also extremely capable of anything she set out to do. That was very clear just by how she carried herself.

“You need to be comfortable going out by yourself. Try going to the movies alone,” she continued to lecture me. KJ was essentially telling me that I relied too much on what other people were doing and lacked the certainty in myself to do what I wanted to do (with or without another person in tow).

I completely get what she was telling me now; now that I’ve grown from a young twenty-something to a forty-something wife & a mother of two grown children. KJ’s advice maybe came across a bit rough at the time because she said it in a very serious and mothering way. But it really stuck with me making a lasting impression. I am not sure that I took immediate action on her advice but started to dabble in getting uncomfortable being by myself. For example, I remember a few months after that conversation with KJ there was a wedding I was invited to. So, I did not ask a date. I went solo. It took courage and felt strange at first, but it pushed me to have conversations with different people and make new connections which ended in a very positive experience.

Fast forward five years or more… As my career in sales grew, I traveled quite a bit alone. I flew alone, ate at restaurants alone, stayed in hotels alone, went on walks & runs in whatever city was my destination alone… And I thought about KJ’s intelligent guidance to that girl in her young twenties quite often. Even though I traveled alone: it was still intimidating asking for a table for one at a restaurant, ordering a glass of wine and eating chicken parmesan all by yourself. But over the years, I have learned to love my time being alone. Being by myself has been therapeutic and has made me very comfortable in who I am as a person. I have realized that being by myself is totally okay. It gives me time to think, to read a book or journal my thoughts & ideas.

Being alone does not mean I am lonely. There is a BIG difference. I have family and friends who I spend adequate amounts of time with. After all, relationships are a healthy part of life and very necessary for a person’s social wellbeing. But learning to be alone has provided me with the confidence to go against the grain sometimes. It has given me permission to not follow the crowd because it is the popular thing to do. And it has given me the power to stand up for what I believe in and be who I genuinely am as a human being.

Being alone builds resilience in so many ways. When you are by yourself you are 100% in charge of the decisions you make and the directions you are going. You develop abilities you may never know you had.

Six really great things that being alone can do for you:

1.    Helps you expand the confidence in yourself.

2.    Keeps you from comparing yourself to others.

3.    Enables you to be observant and soak in your surroundings.

4.    Allows you time to find gratitude.

5.    Develops creativity.

6.    Offers you the bandwidth to think about and plan for the future.

So, take yourself out on a date. Enjoy a glass of wine at your favorite restaurant and observe the people, appreciate your surroundings. Hit a local coffee shop and read a book. Visit a public park and get a good workout in. Who cares what other people might think. Be confident to “do you” without any followers for support. Be comfortable being with just you.

I wish KJ & I were geographically closer. Someday, maybe we will be. I really did love her company and appreciated our deep conversations. She was and still is a great teacher.

Don’t Refold the Towels

“Don’t refold the towels”, is a saying I came up with for myself after a few years of marriage. After complaining about how much work I did around the house and how much help I was not getting with the household chores, my hubby took it upon himself to fold the laundry one day to help me out. As I looked at the piles of neatly folded clothes on the floor, I noticed that he totally folded the towels the “wrong way”. Being a very particular person, I took it upon myself to refold them the “right way” so they would fit the way I wanted them to into the hall closet. 

My husband, Josh, immediately questioned, “Why did I even bother, if you were going to redo everything I just did?” He made a valid point. If I was going to find fault with his attempts to help me around the house; what would ever motivate him to want to assist in the daily household chores? Refolding the towels would only discourage him from ever helping fold laundry again.

From his perspective it was a lose-lose situation. If he does not help around the house, I am not happy. If he helps around the house, and if it is not done my way, I am not happy. So why even bother. Refolding the towels was an insult to my husband who was only trying to help me. My response was basically telling him that the way he folded the towels was wrong and unappreciated.

After being married now for almost twenty years and having two grown children, I have learned to appreciate everything my husband and children do for me. Even when the kids were little, they learned to fold laundry too along with other miscellaneous chores around the house. Everyone helps around the house, and that is the way it should be. Afterall, help is help. And I recognize the extra time it gives me in a day, which is so incredibly valuable. Sometimes the towels do not look perfect, or the groceries and dishes are not where I want them to be, but that is okay.

The whole point of delegating chores and asking for help is to make your life easier. If the people around you are helping to their best ability, consider it a job well done. Don’t insult or discourage anyone by “refolding the towels”. In fact, compliment them and tell them “Thank you”. Afterall, they are just trying to help and that should be recognized.

Noodling over Butter Noodles

Just the other day, I was talking to a lovely married couple about how their two daughters (both between the ages of six and ten) refuse to touch any sort of vegetable. The mother went on to tell me that when their family of four goes out to eat at a restaurant, their girls order butter noodles (plain noodles with melted butter) because that is all they will eat. They refuse to try anything on the menu; ever. She went on about how one time while they were at a local restaurant the server brought two plates of butter noodles (by special request) to the two young girls. The butter sauce in this case included bits of parsley to which one of the girls had a tantrum because there was “green” in her butter noodles. So, they sent the bland pasta dishes back requesting plain noodles with butter, nothing else, and absolutely no parsley. The proud mom of two finished her story with a little giggle and a smile as if she adored the behavior of her precious noodle consuming angels and found their demands cute. The mom (I later learned as the conversation went on) works in medical imaging for a large healthcare system. It truly surprised me that an educated women in medicine would allow her two growing daughters to ban vegetables and fruits from their diet.

The encounter above has not been the only instance where I have heard of these so-called “butter noodles”. I have listened to similar narratives from parents who permit their children to eat butter noodles as a staple, not a side dish…a staple! Now don’t get me wrong, an occasional main plate of butter noodles might be okay (with a side of roasted broccoli, of course). And butter noodles might even be an acceptable side dish served with a seasoned chicken breast and some green beans. But in every case of “butter noodles” that I’ve run into, the “butter noodles” are a constant go-to meal because the children do not like fruits and vegetables, or meat for that matter. Butter noodles are like macaroni and cheese, a bit duller in flavor, and have no nutritional value; but apparently anti-vegetable children love them.

If you are a parent and are not encouraging your child (starting at the infant and toddler stage) to eat a variety of fruits and vegetables and healthy lean proteins, you are setting them up for failure. All (and I mean ALL) little bodies and brains rely on important nutrients that come from natural foods. Fruits and vegetables should be mandatory in every person’s daily nutrition. Childhood consists of the most crucial years of a young person’s life. This is the time to be shaping them and helping them create lifelong healthy habits that they can carry with them into their teen years and into adulthood. Any diet that consists mainly of white processed carbs will only increase the risk of nutrient deficiencies, weight gain and chronic diseases, like heart disease and cancer. Why would any parent wish this upon their child?

I understand that some days parents just do not want to put the energy into fighting a toddler to eat their Brussel sprouts. Some days it seems much easier to give in to the whining and just let the little ones eat whatever they want; even if it means putting the energy you did not want to spend fighting them into making them an entirely separate meal that they will eat. But aren’t parents supposed to be the enforcers of what their children do and do not do, what they eat and don’t eat? Isn’t it our parental duty to make sure that our children grow up making good decisions and steering them away from anything that can harm them? Isn’t it a parent’s obligation and responsibility to teach their children what is best for them and to hold them accountable to certain standards? Guess what, Parents? Food can help your children and food can most certainly harm your children. This is a very serious reality. Ultra-processed foods make up 70% of a child’s diet in the United States and 1 in 5 children and adolescents are affected by obesity in in this country. Put two and two together and please realize the connection here. The food pyramid for most kids today consists of goldfish crackers, colorful breakfast cereals, sugar-filled sports drinks & sodas, and a bunch of other refined factory-made foods that are damaging our physical and mental health.

A diet that lacks fresh fruits and vegetables comes with a long list of potential troubles including heart disease, diabetes, some cancers, and even vision loss. But relax, these things won't happen right away, it will take years…sometimes decades before these illnesses set in. So, continue serving butter noodles and allowing your children to dictate what is served at the family table. Kids are good at knowing what they want; not what they NEED. If you find yourself in this situation, your whole family is missing out on some fantastic opportunities to try new foods TOGETHER and explore an amazing selection of colors and textures. Make a commitment to teach your babies to love the foods that nature has provided them. Your job as a parent is to ensure that your kids get what they need, not necessarily what they want.

A good friend of mine told me “If you permit it, you promote it”. Parents, if you permit your kids to eat like crap, you are simply promoting bad nutritional behavior and poor habits that will have a very unfavorable outcome in your little one’s existence whether it be sooner in life with constipation, acne, behavioral disorders, or Type II Diabetes...or maybe it is decades later with obesity, heart disease or even premature death. Find the energy today to encourage good nutrition. Learn alongside your little ones and teach them healthy habits that they can take with them into being active & productive adults. Promote good nutrition and enforce it like your life depended upon it…because their little lives desperately depend on what you (the parent) instill in them.